The Dichotomy of an Immigrant — What’s in a name?

“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet.” William Shakespeare uses this line in his play Romeo and Juliet to convey that the naming of things is irrelevant. I now disagree.

Growing up in India, people inside the house called me Anu — the shortened form of Anupama — my full name. But outside the house — be it neighbors, friends, schoolteachers all called me Anupama. My older relatives — uncles, aunts’ grandparents always referred to me as Anupama while my cousins used Anu.

So, I figured Meh what’s in a name — it really does not matter.

When I moved to the states my name became an issue for some. My classmates, teachers and friends could not say Anupama — it became Anapuma, amapamu, anapana and on and on. I pivoted to being called Anu — it seems easier and more sensible. When Starbucks came along — I became Anna, Ann, Ana or variations of Ann because ANU was so very hard. I would try and explain Anu — like “a new” and then I backed off.

So, I figured Meh what’s in a name — it really does not matter.

When I started sending resumes out it became a dilemma! Would I be rejected because they could not say my name? What would happen. I remember getting a call from a recruiter who asked for “Amapamanama” — And then mentioned to me that I might want to “westernize” my name. He said Many Asians do that so that they can fit in. I wondered what my western name might be — Fiona, Samantha, Grace, Kate, were some of the names I tried — for some reason they would not roll off my tongue and I wondered why

So, I figured Meh what’s in a name — it really does not matter.

In my 30’s and 40’s I started paying more attention to what I was called. I no longer said — you can call me anything — I do not care. I cared! I began to wonder why? When I married my husband, I spent a year trying to sort through a name change. I wondered why I hesitated to change my name — here was my opportunity to legally change my name to what I wanted — would it be Samantha Smalley, Grace Smalley perhaps…. So why did it take me a year — my given name was suddenly becoming important.

I was named Anupama Ramachandra Magal — let me start from the end.

Magal is my maiden family name

Ramachandra is my father’s name — in India most middle names are just that — father’s name

Anupama is my given name.

So, what did I change it to — I did not want to give up any of them I realized — After struggling with it for a year I settled on Anupama Magal Smalley. So, what caused this turmoil for someone who did not care what she was called — after all

Meh — What’s in a name — right??

My name gives me a sense of belonging.

My parents named me Anupama — so my given name connected me to them.

My family name (now my middle name) Magal gave me a sense of belonging to my parents, to my family, to a culture and to a country.

My last name Smalley allowed me to start belonging to my new family, and country

I remember asking my mom — why did you name me Anupama — why not a shorter name and an easier to pronounce name — Her response — “because you were an Anupama then and you are Anupama now. I fought to call you Anupama because I felt the name belonged to you.” There is that word again. Belong How can I belong if I do not know who I am — My identity — starts with my name. I introduce myself with my name — so it is important

So, it matters what my name is.

So, what’s in a name — Names play a crucial part in or lives — it is a word that identifies us when we are born, remains with us from birth till death and helps identify us to the world long after we are gone. My name has a meaning that gives me my own sense of belonging.

In Sanskrit– an ancient language from my birth country of India — My name is made up of 2 parts — “an” and “upama”.

“Upama” means comparison, “an” means without

So, putting it together Anupama means Without Comparison, Incomparable, Unique. My parents had high hopes for me when they named me.

So, a name matters, my name matters.

I now focus on asking people what their name is and learning how to pronounce it. It is their identity — I have no wish to mess with their identity. So, it matters that I am not called Ann, or Anna or Ana — that kind of says I could be 1 in a million.

And my name is Anupama — I am unique — my name begins my sense of identity and belonging.